Brandy

Angry girl 101

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 02:17:55 GMT

its been forever since I've written in this but I need to vent.

My car was stolen Saturday...but what pisses me off and angers me more, is people acting like they are in high school

sometimes I wish I had a soundproof room, that was solely designated for screaming in

officially back in nj

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 00:06:17 GMT

So I've been back in the Dirty Jerz since Wednesday night....it's saturday, and I feel like I've been doing absolutely nothing for the past 3 days.

My car is still not fully unpacked.

I haven't done laundry.

I haven't applied for any jobs yet.

I've talked to a few friends, but besides seeing Renata because she works for the people I'm staying with, I havent seen anyone I moved back so that I could "live near my friends and hang out"

My bank account currently has $0 is it. I kid you not. My savings account has $1 and change, and I have $5 in my wallet. So maybe it's a good thing that it's taking me a bit to reconnect, since I don't actually have the money to go out or anything. And while this is a temporary situation, it is still somewhat depressing in my mind.

I went for a nice long walk today into South Orange, and all around it. Memory is really an amazing thing. I can still remember who lived in what houses, and if not the actual person, then random facts like this house had a kid who broke Emilys arm in it.

I had to get my old phone out of storage to get phone numbers from people, since my newest phone pretty much only had about 20 numbers in it, probably at least 20% random numbers I got from people at bars, who I never called for whatever reason.

I am hopefull of getting a job, but hate the process, and really need to get a flame under my ass

Going CRAZY

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 06:34:25 GMT

so my apartment was aparently made with cardboard walls instead of drywall....

if I so much as breathe past 10pm ANY night of the week, my roommate bitches at me about it....I don't think I can do this anymore...

aside from the fact that I've always worked better on stuff at night...stopping working at 10pm is one thing...but its like if I move I'm going to hear it from my roommate and or neighbors downstairs.....

I feel like I want to screem my head off in a pillow, but that would make too much noise.

caffeine makes for a good day

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 09:44:56 GMT

wow my photo on here is old....I should probably fix that...anyway

Today rocked my world....I worked a long day, yay overtime

I worked on some reticulated silver jewelry, and making templates for jewelry,

applied for my first bench jeweler job...my cover letter may have been to cauky (sp?) but I guess I will find out if/when they contact me again...they asked for current salaries....and it's kinda nice that all my jobs pay what I want to be making....minus being full time

I bounced a check (well technically just overdrafted) this weekend and was totally broke, got paid so that's taken care of(thank god)

I decided, after giving out my number from guys who wanted it on several occasions lately, and not getting called, that I'm going to refuse to give people my information for a while and see what happens....if they really want to find me they can....and I'm sick of this like quasi rejection...why ask for something if you're not going to use it....ugh

anyway...I'm excited to move back to nj....I found a cool art community/ live-work places a town from where i grew up that actually have openings starting in april....so I am hoping to get a job so I can jump on a place and be able to live in a kickass loft where I can torch things and make noise all I want...yay brick walls...

anyway...I'm still going from the 2 caramel latte's I drank today, and need to try to sleep....I'm not sure what I'm doing at work tomorrow....all I know is that it involves being picked up by my boss in the morning, and most likely shofering her around in her car....always an interesting day in the life iof an interior designer.

I swear, it seems whenever things seem to be looking up shit happens

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 09:47:28 GMT

So, I finally sorted out the school/money thing, and I'm excited to start on monday. This week my drivers side window came off it's track, and while I was visiting my cousin, while my car stereo is still in tact,(helps that I took off the faceplate) my ipod is gone. So shitty...

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 00:47:39 GMT

my boss thinks I have a great brain...her words

arent bad things supposed to just come in 3's

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 07:40:53 GMT

So, I found out saturday that my dad's in the hospital. His neighbors who live underneath him heard him fall or something then called the cops...so now he's in the hospital and was aparently having some kind of heart problems on top of being beligerently drunk....but right now it just looks like he needs to get un-drunk, and his short term memory is once again fried,

his landlord also changed the locks, so my uncle dan is probably having my dad move in with him, or go to rehab or sorts in seattle and sending all of my stuff here or wherever I need to put it for now...

When my aunt called me to tell me I honestly thought she was going to tell me he was dead...and it's like I now have a giant pit in my stomach all the time, am sleeping like shit, and feel 1/2 depressed and 1/2 numb...and I know if he drinks again he's goign to die...and part of me thinks he should just be put out of his misery...or given a dog....

this week just keeps getting better

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 07:17:42 GMT

so best buy is over....today I find out, my phone was shut off because my dad didn't pay the bill, and he's aparently quit his job 2 weeks ago and most likely off the wagon...

The last month's rent I already paid I aparently shouldn't have so now I need to call the girl who lived in my room to hopefully pay me back....but at least unlike the bitches I live with she seems normal and down to earth, and not like she's gonna totally screw me...

so I'm hoping my check from best buy tomorrow has is at least 550 so I don't bounce anything in paying my rent...since I only have $108 in my bank account.

I also found out the insurance I was counting on didn't go through because I aparently blatently didn't read the fine print which stated that I had to already have Kaiser insurance to qualify.....so right now I'm pretty much completely fucked, need to see a therapist, allergist and don't have insurance...and can't afford insurance...the plans out are rediculus...I'm pretty much paying 4k+ a year regardless of what plan I choose...

I feel like I want to curl up in to a corner and hide for the next month or so

Blah.....

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 03:10:44 GMT

Today was my last day at best buy....and hectic as all hell

Then I come home and my internet is till not working(as it hasn't been for the last week or so) talk to my roommate travell since the modem and router are in her room....and she aparently hates me now and doesn't ever want to see or talk to me again....

This should make to be an interesting month...

on another not I think I may have just felt my first san francisco earth quake

so Much for my favorite bar/asshole bouncer

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 09:50:41 GMT

so tonight I went alone to my favorite san fran bar aka Bar none...

i had a good night

until the end...

I was in a beer pong game with people...it was probably 1:45 or so

bouncer comes up to us, and starts combining our beers, thus negating our beer pong game....

So I start cursing at him, telling him he's an asshole etc...

he grabs my beer out of my hand and pours it out..

so i punched him....didn't get thrown out or anything....but I'm still pissed from the nights activities...

WTF WTF WTF....since when do they not let you finish your drink at a bar?.....such bullshit....

I guess I need to find a new fun bar to go to

hot

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 09:26:43 GMT

So I totally have not written in this in forever.

I keep meaning to and thinking about it but then just don't bother.

This past weekend Razbari Sumthing crashed in my apt for 2 days. I had some fun, it was nice to go to some ska shows again..even though there are actually some good ones coming up that I'm excited about. Also nice hanging out with the guys and randomly talking about mutual friends etc.

The lease on my apt ends sometime in august...I'm not sure when yet...I think I'm gonna move in with my friend frank, his gf sam and their dog lexi. Should be cool/fun. It will be nice to live with people I actually knew before living with them. Not to mention I will no longer pine to have a dog since I will be able to play with lexi 24/7.

Other than that I still have all 3 jobs, ivy west is done until august or so...I keep tinkering with going full time at best buy, but i still do enjoy working for Star, so I'm really torn...Although it would be nice to actually have paid days off and sick days.

I feel like I'm still biding my time before my life starts...like it's all a test or something.

Power Exchange

Sat, 01 Apr 2006 03:05:08 GMT

So I'm addicted to browsing the "casual encounters" section of craigslist....and a few times I'd seen something about power exchange...googled it, and the kinky side of me really really really wants to go check it out...maybe it's cause I'm just about at my few month mark...I dunno...part of me still wants to go, be a voyeur, maybe play out a fantasy or two...I kinda wonder if I should go alone, or try to find someone like minded to come with me....

update

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 07:05:17 GMT

so the jewelry job I "got" I am now on a "waitlist" for...

They called me back like 2 days later and were like, we're really sorry, but we realized we hired too many people, and you are going to be on a waitlist to work here...so bs...if they do offer me a job later I'm gonna ask for more money....no $14 an hour bs...maybe try for 20, settle for 17.50...

I'm so burnt out from working three jobs....and like havent gone out at all....It's so frustrating....I feel like I'm exhausted all the time, and penned in my cage when I should be out having the best time of my life....and I do go out....but it's more playing poker with friends, in the north bay. I want to go out and explore san francisco...but I have no one to do it with.....it's soooooo frustrating.

In other news....My boss Star wants to pay for a ticket for my to go to ny to get my computer out of my storage space so I can do 3d modeling stuff for her...and aparently there is a lighting show in vegas she wants me to go to...I'll hopefully have more details in the coming days, but as of now I'm super excited, but can't get my hopes up until i have the tickets "in my hand" or my inbox anyway...I'm thinking, fly into syracuse, hang out with becky, clean out my storage space, drive my shit down to jersey....figure out what's going where at my dads, then go out with jacq and kylene, and whoever else is free to hang out with, then fly back with all I can take(cpu/keyboard/SNOWBOARD!!!)

Aside from work, I'm still looking into going to revere, Alexis is actually almost done and I want to talk to her about it and find out what she thinks, I'm gonna do the whole fafsa thing, and any other scholarships I can find to apply to then just go for it....

In the long run I think In a year or so I'll be back on the east coast...nj/nyc area....I miss everyone...and while I can make more friends, its a lot easier when you already have a good base of people around you, instead of a base you thought you had, but were actually to busy or exhausted to do stuff...

I know officially have 4 jobs

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 05:59:06 GMT

I got the job as a jewelry designer.

It's a bit different from what I expected, as it seems more like experimenting with findings than it does actual from scratch designs, but for being in the right industry, being able to not have to drive to work, and paying 14 an hour its not too shabby

She had already hired I think 4 other people and so she wasn't sure if she had room for me, and said that she likes to try people and decides whether or not they fit after about 1.5 to 2 months....So I suggested to hire me part time and see how she likes me....

It's a win/win...I get to keep working for the interior designer, can get rid of best buy(post bonus)....get rid of ivy west(I need more free time, and jewelry time) and have 2 steady 9-5's, or 8:30-5's which may or may not be replaced by 1 = )

work work work

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 08:57:07 GMT

St patricks day was an insane night, everyone was making out with everyone else, there was some poker action, a fight, a car crash, and a jealous girlfriend. very memorable.

I have a day off next friday....Getting a fat ass paycheck this week....

I got a job interview for a jewelry designer position with liz palacios...her company designs jewelry that is in nordstrom's and and high end boutiques. I'm so excited...I really hope if pays well and they offer me the job...as much as it's nice having the money from 3 jobs....I really wish I had a constant schedule ....what can I say I want the 9-5...kinda makes it easier to plan the rest of your time...

update

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 03:24:54 GMT

I'm officially moved in...still working on some kinks....like my food is still in boxes

I really like working to Star - the interior designer - its nice to not feel stressed out and actually get recognition for doing a good job at work.

not to mention when best buy gives me 5 hours one week I can still work and be able to pay bills

She wants me full time but can't afford to do that at the moment...but said she may be able to in a few months

My cookies are so awsome that guys from work are now paying for me to make them....and of coarse the one that loves them is the guy I have a huge crush on...now if only he'd break up with his girlfriend....why do I always like unavailable guys?...grrr...

it seems like everyone and their mother live in nyc....I miss people...I definitly think I'll be moving back after I take jewelry classes at revere.

While I don't really have the money for it, I htink I need to join weight watchers again....I can't deal with myself anymore....this is like the most I've ever weighed and its starting to discust me

life update

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 00:34:58 GMT

Haven't been on here in a while

right now:

I'm moving in 2 days into san francisco

I have 3 jobs

if you count making jewelry, and selling my cookies, I have 5 jobs

I'm hoping moving will sufficiantly lower my stress levels

I really need to loose weight

It's gross and rainy out

moving out

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 05:56:26 GMT

so, as if trying to get a "real" job wasn't a pain enough.......

and as if my roommate wasn't being a total bitch....

ok so when I moved in....she said we had a verbal agreement to 6 months.....and when I was kinda iffy before about staying she was like we had an agreement to 6 months....

and now...when it suites her, she decides that she doesn't want to live with me...so now when my hours get slashed at work and I'm worried how I'm going to pay my bills is when she decides that she's going to reneg on her deal....

and I'm homelesss as of march 1st

fucking hipocrit

my roommate is a bitch

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 18:29:19 GMT

So....I used to accidentally leave the toaster off...but on....basicalyl I would cook stuff in it and leave it open....if it's closed it would be on...but its technically off...

anyway...so she said if I did it again she would throw it out......I hadn't done it for a month....

and guess what...I'm human.....accidentally left it off but on the other night....she threw it in the garbage....

BITCH....I need to move out like asap...

frustrated

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 23:45:58 GMT

so I think I officially hate job hunting...

I suck at it, and get no reponses....it's really discouraging

I hate money...I think I hate is cause I'm in so much debt....and don't make nearly enough....and being scheduled to work 15 hours this week doesn't help matters

I'm supposed to hear if I got full time....but havent heard shit...

I'm getting to thie point where I don't know what to do with myself...

Wed, 11 Jan 2006 09:31:41 GMT

It's been a while...

I still feel like I'm at such a huge crossroads in my life....and don't know which way to go....

Why is it that when I am attracted to someone, and then find out they have a girlfriend, rather than moving on I am intrigued and want them more.....grrrrr...why am I such a sucker for blue eyes???

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 08:42:36 GMT

I have a canker sore...it hurts like a bitch...it's the second one I've had in like 2 weeks...at least they aren't an std...and arent contagious....not like I've been making out with anyone lately...I'm slowly starting to see possibilities on the horizon though....and if all else fails I can just look at craiglist porn

side note...I really need a haircut/dye....I know its time to cut it when I can't really style it anymore....without a lot of unnecessary effort....now the hard part...to ifnd an affordable hair place here that's decent.....I think I may try the vidal sassoon salon place in the city...students cut your hair...but I've heard it's pretty good

you know you're in california when...

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 04:01:58 GMT

its 40 and raining, and you talk to a person who says it hasnt been this cold here in the 20 years I've been here...

instead of a mall, you have a ton of mall stores with large walkways in between....possibly nice when its sunny out, but when its 40 and raining kinda sucks balls...

I bought a coat today that would I could just get away with wearing it and nothing else...haha...it just covers my ass = )

new epiphony

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 12:09:20 GMT

so I've been feeling kinda shitty lately. I think it's the holidays....I guess you don't realize how much of a holiday person you are, or how much you miss people until you can't spend the holidays with them.

I think part of my discontent is also with my life. I have an undergraduate degree in computer graphics, which, even if I was working doing cgr stuff I think I would be discontent.

I had thought in the beginning that I could just wait a bit then take some classes in jewelry and be content. But I know I won't be....

I feel that I am still so hungry for knowledge...to be able to learn and teach, as well as just my overall discontent with life...shitty finances and all

So....I decided that I officially want to go to grad school...

no random classes...just straight up do what I love....

I just e-mailed 3 schools about it....Savannah college of art and design...they have a good jewelry program and also have animation and furniture stuff should I so choose to take electives in them

The Revere academy...I have a friend that goes there...its in SF, but at the same time it's not a university...and I doubt they have financial aid or fellowships

and lastly Royal College of Art in London....I mean, if I can somehow get a scholarship/aid to do grad school it would definitly be the chance of a lifetime...I think it would be really great to get that world experience, and the program sounds really good/interesting

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 06:22:06 GMT

This week Best Buy only schedule me 22 hours...

I applied for 7 jobs this far tonight....

I figure since I'm only working from 5-9 this week I can use the other time for job interviews...and the gym...